Horoscopes

Just in case you have ever wondered about your personality type and thought ...That is way to nice of a description of "who I am" to be really me. I submit this nuts and bolts description of Horoscopes Types that I got some time ago but still applies. See if you recognize any of your friends:


Aquarius (1/20 – 2/18) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces (2/19 – 3/20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a dipshit.

Aries (3/21 – 4/19) You are the pioneer type and think that most people are dickheads. You are quick –tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.

Gemini (5/21 – 6/20) You are quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini’s are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (6/21 – 7/22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people’s problem’s which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won’t be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (7/23 – 8/22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leo’s are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving mother fuckers and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.

Virgo (8/23 – 9/22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This shit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgo’s make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (9/23 – 10/22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you’re male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are note. Most Libra women are whores. All Libra’s die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (10/22 – 12/21) The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpio’s are murdered.

Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. Nixon was a Sagittarius. You are not worth the time of day.

Capricorn (12/22 – 1/19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken-shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.